Thursday, January 13, 2005

Doing the Innaguration on $10,000 or less per day

Giving new meaning to the term wretched excess (and utter insensitivity-given current events) The luxury hotels around Washington DC are gearing up to accommodate W's base as they come to town to usher in the dawning of the New Gilded Age


Haliburton execs and Bechtel Vps can spend their upcoming bonuses early and book one of the Ritz Carlton's $150,000.00 Inauguration packages which include a private jet ride to the event, all the amenities and inaugural clothing from Saks for the whole family. Tux for him, Gown and jewelry for her and of course for " the pooch:" * Jacket, collar and leash


Because nothing shows your sensitivity and concern for thousands of homeless tsunami victims and respect for dying soldiers like a well dressed lapdog


For the wealth challenged, perhaps a young worker eager to spend their personal retirement account early the Fairmont hotel Offers a more modestly priced $10,000 President for a Day packageBut don't let the low price put you off, it still has plenty of perks including faux secret service protection

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The First Lady will receive in-room spa treatments prior to hosting a Beluga Caviar and Dom Perignon ''State Reception'' for 10. The couple will ride in a chauffeured Rolls Royce to Inaugural Festivities and then return to their suite to host a midnight buffet for 10. They will be guarded during their stay by two ''faux'' Secret Service Agents donning black sunglasses and suits fitted with cufflink walkie talkies, for their protection, of course.

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For Old money, or those traveling with their own bodyguards and Balinese masseuses, The Hay Adams for a mere $25,000 offers the ultimate Washington Perk, proximity to power. You get a suite overlooking the White House itself, and a pair of real live presidential cufflinks, which could come in handy for intimidating that annoying investigator from the inspector general's office who wants to know why your contract is 6 months late and 6 billion over budget.


But even the middle class is not forgotten The Hotel Monaco is offering a package for a mere $5,000 a night, but of course at this budget price you have to expect a few less amenities but you are still getting Bourbon (to commerate our glorious president's intoxicant of choice) in a white house glass AND a set of Binocluars (which you'll need cause your broke behind obviously ain't getting front row parade seat either)


But lest you lose heart the Hotel Monaco is throwing a sop to all you grieving blue staters who can take advantage of their special "over the Rainbow Package" in February during DC Pride Week (soon to be renamed Sodomite Repentance Weekend)
And Don't forget to buy your ball tickets for a mere 500-2000 each

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